Dealing with Negativity
'The Oppressor'
F. Leeke. ‘Odin’s Leave-Taking’. Canvas, c. 1875
I read somewhere...
...that a life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.
This website would not be complete without broaching the subject of relationships, negative people and emotions. There is nothing that affects our radiance as much as our relationships (or lack of) with others. Of all the things that can impact our souls, negative thoughts and people are the biggies on my list. The more negative they are, the better the chance that these two will send you heading to the doctor's office with symptoms that probably won't reveal much in the lab. There is nothing worse, except for major trauma (quick or ongoing), that does as much damage to the human soul and/or our energy fields, as these two; negative thoughts and negative people. For a list of symptoms that correspond with the impact of negativity on our auras (energy field), visit 'Claiming Radiance!'.
Do You Recognize Oppression?
Any time you are dealing with negativity, you are dealing with oppression. Some negativity in life is healthy. It helps us to make decisions and to grow. However, here, I am referring to the kind of negativity that robs the soul of energy and stunts our ability to move ahead toward our goals and dreams. I am speaking of the kind of negative energy that halts us in our tracks. The kind of energy that we know in our 'gut' is bad for us. The type that causes 'soul wounds'. Sometimes we are oppressed by others trying to keep us down and at other times we are our own oppressors by our own personal thoughts and behaviors. It is important not to forget the person you were before you seemed to have no energy left.
Happiness does not depend on who you are or what you have;
it depends on what you think. - Dale Carnegie
A negative attitude can begin simply with calling yourself stupid over something and can end by spiraling down a never-ending black tunnel of pessimism, doubt and gloom. You will not be able to evade negative situations, people and emotions. What is important here is that you realize that 'like attracts like'. This means that the more you think doom and gloom the more doom and gloom you will have. Reverse this by positive thoughts and the same is true. The more positive you think, the more positive you will feel and be.
A Bit of Anatomy & Physiology
TheVitruvian Man by Leonardo DaVinci
Our nervous systems are comprised of two main parts, the sympathetic and the para-sympathetic. The sympathetic corresponds to arousal, flight or fight response. The parasympathetic correspond to openness, calm and acceptance. If we have enough response from the parasympathetic nervous system during a situation that would give us a heart attack, it could prevent it, or at least prevent damage.
Adrenal Burnout can be the cause of the majority of stress syndromes! It is second only to pH imbalances in creating dis-ease! When we are stressed, our acid levels rise, which leads to dis-ease!
The adrenal glands are the control centers for our major hormones. The number one cause of Adrenal Burnout is stress, especially negative emotions such as fear and resentment. Stress causes the release of the hormone, cortisol, which suppresses other hormones (including the gender hormones). The side effects of excess cortisol are unlimited and include a weakened immune system, which leads to more stress. Excess cortisol also causes weight gain (especially around the middle) and poor sleep, which causes more stress. If we are running on adrenaline, from an overloaded sympathetic nervous system, it can throw us over the edge of sanity, and into death when we burn out!
Can you think of a better reason for learning to change our lives positively and regaining energy and radiance, than to escape disease or premature death? It can be done. We can make changes and improve no matter what you, or someone else, keeps telling you.
Some Areas of 'Hurt' and Corresponding Emotional Causes
Do you have pain, or symptoms, in any of the following areas?
Eyes: Having no insight toward purpose in life while here on earth.
Neck: Heart and mind are not bridged in alignment.
Shoulders: Bearing burdens and the weight of the world on our own.
Lungs: Great, or ongoing, grief and sadness.
Liver: Carrying around anger.
Stomach: Feeling as though, or believing, we have no control.
Back & Legs: Being financially or emotionally unsupported.
Knees: Facing difficulty in surrendering to a higher will.
Feet: Having trouble standing up for what we believe in.
If you are already having trouble in any of these areas, your aura is in need of balancing. Please spend a moment to reflect on the information in 'Dealing With Negativity' (this page) and then move on to 'The Aura Energy Self-Test' to discover the colors of your aura and what they mean!
Negative People and Relationships
Bitterness imprisons life and love releases it.
- Harry Emerson Fosdick
Negative people are not always as obvious as you think they might be. It is easy to recognize a temper tantrum or certain forms of sarcasm as being negative. But, sometimes the most negative person can be that sweet guy you married or that co-worker who always offers to help you out instead of taking a break whether you want her help or not. How does this happen, you ask? There are those who have hidden agendas and allow their 'negativities' to build up before releasing them on others (by blowing up) or themselves (by self-sabotaging). Regardless, negativity is the enemy of the soul and if you are dealing with a negative person it will affect you negatively as well. You may not be able to avoid it, but you may learn to deal with it.
The most damaging of all situations to the aura (life energy) is the negative or abusive relationship. You can take two positive people, put them together, and end up with two souls who always believe the worst, act out of selfishness or become immobilized by fear and insecurity, usually both, with one being selfish and the other being fearful.
Two things to consider about creating healthy relationships is that understanding and intimacy are vital factors in developing them. By intimacy I don't mean sexuality. Intimacy and sex are two different things. I mean the ability to be close, to be yourself and to feel safe in that closeness. You cannot have intimacy without understanding.
Do not allow yourself to stay in a relationship that is detrimental to your emotional or physical health. Yes, it is true that positive breeds positive and light lifts away darkness. However, to continually be the light and lift someone else's negativity is draining. It is a hard road to travel and why should you? Your very soul suffers, your aura becomes duller and smaller, and eventually you become sick. Negativity is the 'prison' of the soul. It is here that life becomes a living hell! Don't allow someone else's opinion of you to allow your own vision of your future to become clouded and limited. They may say they have faith in you and your dreams but if they are not supportive of you emotionally, their neglect will weigh you down. In fact, it can be increasingly difficult to get away from these people and situations because you are so continually drained. You cannot live an unhealthy lifestyle and expect to become healthy.
Ever find yourself in the direct line of fire?
Negative people will surprise us with jabs when our guards are down. They are good at it. The next time this happens, cross your arms over your upper stomach and lower chest to help protect your Solar Plexus and Heart chakras. These are your feeling centers. You can also harden your aura by surrounding yourself in a bubble of white light. When all else fails, and you can't get away from the person, run into your imaginary castle court yard, and draw up the draw bridge!
One does not discover new lands
without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
What Is A Fool?
The bible talks a lot about fools and offers a lot of advice! Check out Proverbs. There is absolutely nothing we can do with, for or about a fool to make things any better! A true fool resists any good advice, will not hear criticism (no mater how nicely it is presented), is impatient, crude, rude, angry, sometimes violent or addicted (or both), never says he is sorry, has no compassion, believes he is right about everything and justifies all of his thoughts and actions with nonsense. Are you with a fool? Could you be becoming one yourself?
If someone will not respect your needs...
...after telling them what they are, is it worth staying? Consider this. Constant worrying or arguing with a mate will keep you in the 'flight or fight' response mode. When this happens, your digestive system is turned off. It is like being in danger all of the time. This can begin to make you feel sick. Is your relationship worth feeling sick over or worth possibly dying for? Because once we start to have nutritional problems, we begin to have a myriad of other problems.
We cannot live an unhealthy lifestyle and remain healthy. We can't. It is an impossibility. If you think bad thoughts long enough, you'll end up with bad chemistry (stress affects our hormones as well), which falls under...psychoneuroimmunology.
You can relearn how to love, and be loved, by yourself and others. You can! If the world has become a scary place for you, start by being thankful for what you do have instead of what you don't. You may not have money, but maybe you can walk. You may not have clothes, but you can see. You might not have a great marriage. You may even have to find a way to leave it behind, but your child put their arms around you tonight and told you that they love you. Be glad for the small things. Stop worrying about what you cannot do, or cannot change, at least just yet, and focus on what you can. Little by little, your positive thoughts will change your world to a place where you can love, laugh and live again!
Most of all, try to surround yourself with positive people who really care about you personally. If this isn't possible, at least place yourself among positive people in general, as often as you can. Attend some positive seminars, start a new class somewhere, join a church. Be where the energy is filling, not draining. Become selective of the company you keep.
Older women have a hard time, I think, with the feeling of loss. As we get older, we lose things in our life. We lose parents, pets, friends, our youth and if we are not careful, our hope. At the same time, there is a yearning to let go of all that is unimportant in our lives and to move on to a place of simplicity and authenticity. Menopause is often a precursor to this new way of thinking.
Dealing With Fear
Fear is a trauma based emotion. Whether you are dealing with phobias, an abusive relationship or post traumatic stress, fear will greatly impact the body if it is not dealt with. If you have been the victim of years of trauma, no matter how old you were (or are now), you may not even know what it is like to live without fear. How often do you feel nervous or panicky? Do you feel you have to 'walk on egg shells' all of the time? Do you jump or startle easily? Are your muscles tense? Do you get stomach pain or a headaches easily when under normal stress? Do you grow silent or cry easily, as if you feel you are about to be retraumatized, even if you aren't? If so, you are likely experiencing trauma related fear. When you were in the trauma situation it was normal to feel fear or terror. But unless you are still in a situation that is dangerous for you, it is important to learn to work through your fear and then leave it in the past where it belongs. Always being fearful is unhealthy. If you are still in danger, it is important for you to try to get out of that situation and protect yourself. Don't make the mistake of thinking it is easier to stay where you are, or safer.
Fear of the unknown can stop us in our tracks, make us drop anchor and tell ourselves we are content, for whatever reason, right where we are. As impossible as it may seem, you can still achieve victory over negativity! Remember to take action! Feeling follows action and positive action creates positive feelings. God wants us to have a positive and abundant life.
One thing that I have heard from other women time and time again is that they do not consider themselves abused because they are not physically hit, pushed, shoved or kicked by their mates. One of the worst forms of abuse has nothing to do with violence, but will lead to it if it is not put in check. Verbal abuse can cause one to spiritually die long before the abuser physically harms them. As a part of your 'taking action', if you even remotely think your mate is abusive or cruel, if you do nothing else, I recommend you purchase and read the book by Patricia Evans, "The Verbally Abusive Relationship'.
If you have a relationship you feel is worth saving, take action to make your significant other feel special. This may be something as simple as listening. Do the things you used to do in the beginning when all that mattered was showing how much you cared.
If, on the other hand, if you are in a relationship that is dominated by negative feelings or is abusive, you may have to take smaller actions and 'baby-step' your way out of it. You may have to take action as far as doing what is necessary to become more independent. If there is the potential for violence in your relationship, be careful. It may be best to keep your ideas to yourself or between yourself, a trusted friend or an organization for now.
Worry can kill you. Worry causes stress and stress can harm you. If you find yourself worrying about 'what-ifs', it is time to face your fear. Identify it. What are you afraid of, exactly? Take a piece of paper. Write down all of the 'What Ifs" that frighten you. Under that, write the question "Why?" and then write down the worst case scenario. Continue writing this way until you reach the truth, the real fear under all of your worry. It doesn't matter if your fear is selfish or not. Most fears are unless they are fears for someone else's safety. Once you define your fear, face it constructively and begin to make a plan for what you will do should the worst case scenario ever happen. This takes the worry out of the fear. The fear may still be there, but the worry will not. Most worry stems from not having a plan. If you are caught in a negative cycle of worry, start planning.
Happiness is when what you think,
what you say and what you do are in harmony.
Mahatma Ghandi
What comes first, depression or disease?
It depends. Some become dis-eased from not being at-ease for too long a period. When the mind is out of balance (with negative thoughts and emotions) the body becomes imbalanced. However, when the body is out of balance it can cause negative emotions and wrong thinking! So, what comes first? It depends on each individual. For some, depression comes first. For others, our thoughts may recreate our cellular material causing us to become ill. Now you are probably thinking...
...what the *#*! does that mean?
Our bodies can't help but follow our thoughts. Our molecules (the stuff we are made of) move along at a certain speed. This speed is affected by our thoughts. Positive thoughts increase vibrational levels and negative thoughts decrease them. So if we are thinking negatively, or find ourselves around negative people, our energy levels will be brought down. Lower energy systems (other people and frequencies) pull energy way from higher ones. Have you ever felt radiant and energized until someone negative walked in the room? It sort of deflates your balloon doesn't it? That is because lower frequency people (depressed or negative) drain us and positive people lift our vibrations to a higher level. I think we can all relate to the one particular friend who shows up and has us rolling in laughter. That is because they raised our molecular speed. We all need more friends like that! If we are negative, addicted or depressed, our vibrational level is lower. If we are lower for too long of a period, we become sick. For more on Anxiety & Depression, visit 'Energy Wellness Tips!' and "Is It Hot In Here?!".
Something else to consider,
especially if you are a Highly Sensitive Person, is that you may be picking up the feelings and thoughts of others and reacting to their feelings and not your own. These 'others' may no longer be on the physical earth. Sometimes their 'feelings' latch on to us and are hard to shake. If you feel this might be the case, I suggest 'prayer' (see below under 'Building Self-Esteem') and a cleansing, which 'Creative Ritual!' can guide you through. If you can avoid a person or place that brings you dis-ease, please do so.
From the book, 'Wind On The Waves'. Ray Atkeson & Kim Stafford
"You are not alone. There are others who share your path."
When Anxiety Rules
Anxiety often stems from feeling you do not have the right to be angry when you actually do have a right. Stuff your anger down inside of yourself, long enough, and you will begin to lose hope. From there you will follow the road of apathy.
Anxiety is also caused by not having a very good sense, or perspective, about risk. What this means is that when any risks are taken, no matter how large or small, fear is disproportionate to the risk and anxiety sets in. This often stems from perfectionism and fear of making a mistake.
Anxiety is also caused from not being able to handle randomness. Random events can leave one feeling powerless. In fact, not having control of situations, emotions or even your own body can cause extreme anxiety.
Separation anxiety is a form of anxiety that often has it's roots in early childhood stemming from separation from a parent or some other safe person. Fear of abandonment or separation from those we love in current relationships are often a result of this kind of early childhood trauma.
There are physical reasons for anxiety, such as pH imbalance (chemical imbalances), hypoglycemia and diabetes, injuries to the neck or spine, and allergies. It is important to rule these out. Most often, anxiety is related to negative thinking.
Avoiding fear and anxiety prevents you from overcoming it. It can keep you bound to safe people and safe places (agoraphobia).
Anxiety Self-Help Exercise
When we are anxious it is often because we feel we have no control over a situation and will fall apart if things go badly for us. We imagine worst case scenerios and freak out over them, which makes mountains out of mole-hills and leads to even worse worst case scenerios, right?
Rather than think about worst case scenerios, think of the best case scenerio in your situation. You may be facing something in your life right now that really frightens you. Grab a piece of paper and write down the worst thing that could happen to you in this situation. Then, write down the best thing that could happen to you in this same situation. Most likely, what will really happen is somewhere in the mix and you will be able to handle that. Plan for the worst. Do what you can do, but expect better.
For example, you have a speech coming up in one of your classes. You fear public speaking.
#1. Worst case scenerio is that you will shake tremble, forget your words, fell like a fool and perhaps even pass out. The ambulance will come and they won't take you because , after all, you only had an anxiety attack. Now you are sitting on the floor, sweating, with your classmates surrounding you asking you if you are OK. You are humiliated and defeated and you still have to give your speech at some point. You want to die.
#2. Best case scenerio (the one to focus on) is that you will have one of your better days and sail right through your speech. Everyone is focused on you and you find you are loving the attention of the group and the feeling of self confidence that washes over you. The teacher commends you on your articulate presentation and you walk away with an A. Afterwards, you are calm and collected as classmates cooment on your fascinating topic.
#3. The most-likely scenerio goes like this. You realize this is going to be a difficult day for you, so you make sure you are well prepared ahead of time. You go over your speech in the mirror. You tape it as you rehearse, and check for anything you would like to change, until you are satisfied with your presentation. The night before, you lay out your outfit for the next day and go to bed early enough to get a good night's sleep. In the morning you eat a balanced breakfast before dressing, pocket your lucky charm and head to school. On the way, you imagine everything going perfectly. When you get there and it is your turn to speak, your palms get a little sweaty, your heart beat speeds up but you take a few deep breaths and begin. Somewhere in the middle of your speech you realize you are not going to faint, no ambulances will have to come and you relax some. You keep speaking. You are sounding calm and self assured. By the end of your speech you wonder what all the fuss was about and you happily receive your A and visit with your classmates afterwards.
#1 scenerio lets you know what you need to work on and plan ahead for, #2 scenerio tells you what your deepest wish or need is and #3 scenerio will always be a better one when you focus on #2!
When Hopelessness Takes Over
If you feel that everything that was valuable about your life is fading or is gone. If you feel dead inside (which is 'apathy'), ask yourself what it is that you no longer have that used to bring you joy, peace and contentment. What basic needs were not being met that landed you on this path?
Was it love? Love yourself. Show someone else you love them!
Trust? Begin listening to your gut hunches.
Affection? Turn your bathroom into a spa tonight or go hug someone.
Creativity? Paint, cook, pot a plant, move your furniture around, buy a new couch pillow.
Energy? Get some rest, talk to a friend, laugh and eat better.
Playfulness? Go swing at the park. Get a kite, ride your bike. Dance! Wrestle! Go find a rock or shell you like on the beach.
A pet? Get one. Better yet, borrow one for the day!
A nicer home or area of town? This will take some planning, but set some goals. Put up pictures around the house of where you wish to live and how you'd like to decorate.
A better job? Revamp your resume!
Your health? Get a check up and follow The Captains Lady's guidelines (with care provider permission of course!).
A better relationship with your children? Listen, apologize, tell them you love them, spend time with them (not in front of a screen).
Did someone die? Regardless of your religious beliefs (you don't even have to have any to do this), you can still talk to those who have gone on. Even if you think 'dead-is-dead', you can still talk to them and imagine their answers to you. Imagination is a gift. If you can imagine that you will never see them again, that they are gone forever, that you will grieve the rest of your life, then you can also imagine that they are standing by your side, hear the words you speak to them, and will always be there for you. Another thing you can do is write your loved one a letter and tell them everything you never got a chance to say or would like to say now. It may not seem like much, but on some level of being, this sharing with them, and with yourself, is healing. You can't get them back, but you can come to a place of feeling you never lost them, except in physical form of course, which is the hardest part about being human and having a loved one pass on.
What is stopping you from having or doing the things that made you happy? Deal with that. That is where you begin. Start doing the things that used to make you happy today.
Do what you can and let God do the rest.
In the meantime, commit to changing at least one thing that you can. When we are anxious we have an excess of adrenaline floating around in our systems. Get up and use it up! Get some exercise and then take a hot bath. It is important to love yourself like that. When you are feeling like you just can't take things anymore, in the middle of a frustrating moment or day, do nothing for 10 minutes. Just shut down. Go sit in a dark closet for a few minutes and breathe. Call a friend that is really a friend, someone you know really listens. Talk to God. You may not hear Him, but he hears you!
"Thou shalt decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee." - Job 22:38
Did You Know?
Without regular doses of love and affection our 'feel good' brain chemical levels drop? As a result, depression develops, which causes all manner of symptoms including chronic pain! this is not just for babes. This applies to everyone from 1 to 112! Get your hugs people! You will not live as long without them. Go in search of those you can hug. Makes no difference who's giving as long as they are gotten!
Feeling Follows Action!
If you feel awful, do something wonderful, or something that needs doing. You will feel better! It will work. Why? Because it takes far less energy to get up and do something than it does to sit around worrying about things. If there is nothing else to do, get up and do some maintenance activities. Do the dishes, paint your toes or tackle the hall closet. Get the focus off of you. If you wait to feel like doing something, you may never do it!
'Claiming Radiance!' gives you ideas on what you can do, right now today, to improve Personal, Physical & Environmental Energy Wellness at home or at the office! What a great way to get your mind off of your troubles!
Take Action!
In 'Is It Hot In Here?!', I give you the definition of depression and the tools to reverse it. Here, I offer you a Self-Esteem Building Daily Energy Guide. Sometimes, when we are depressed, it is all we can do to crawl out of bed in the morning, brush our teeth, and try to put a smile on our face for our coworkers, spouses and friends. Some of us get very good at going through the motions, but inside we know, don't we, that life is not right, that we feel dead inside and really don't know where we are anymore. This feeling leads to an internal stand still, inaction and apathy. If we are not careful, it can lead to thoughts of no longer 'being'. If this is you, take heart. What is vital is to have a plan, which is outlined and explained below.
The 'Building Self-Esteem Daily Energy Guide'
Do you feel like a broken compass?
There's nothing worse than denying choices that are available to avoid change, refusing to take direction for your own life or vascillating between two difficult choices without ever making a decision at all. Sometimes we feel we can't make a decision, for whatever reason. But, sooner or later we will have to or we will stagnate and lose self-esteem. Life will feel as though it is passing us by when actually it is the other way around. We are passing it by.
Without self-esteem, you will never be able to follow your intuition and do the right things for yourself that will lead to health and happiness. Self-esteem empowers our will. Over the next few weeks, focus on carrying out the following activities to improve self-esteem.
Get Your Sleep!
Get up at the same time every day. Sooner or later you will be going to bed at the same time too. If you are a night owl and this interferes with your 'energy' during the day, begin going to bed a half hour earlier each week until you are able to get up at the same time every day and still have gotten 8-10 hours of sleep. Do you have trouble sleeping? Visit 'Sleep Disorders'.
Get Dressed When You Get Up!
After getting up, immediately brush your teeth, take a shower, etc. and get dressed to mark the start of your day. Don't go straight to the computer or the TV set. Go eat breakfast. Make a list of things you have to get done. Prioritize your list and do them.
Eat Well, or Better!
Eat 6 smaller meals through out the day, rather than 3 large, or nothing at all until dinner. Have a protein at each meal (cheese, meat, egg, protein drink). Don't focus on dieting, just eating protein or a fat (nuts, oils, butters) at each meal or snack. Visit 'Eating, Naturally!' for tips on how Highly Sensitive People need to eat.
Cut Back On or Avoid...
...Sugar, Processed Foods, Stimulants (caffeine, etc.)
Cold turkey is not necessary or advised, but is important to begin to cut down on and then avoid these things. If you are drinking alot of caffeine, for instance, begin to switch over to Oolong Tea for a couple of cups per day. Visit 'Energy Wellness Recipes' for information on Japanese tea and how to brew the perfect cup. Use Stevia, a natural sugar substitute found at your health food store, or honey. Cook a meal instead of eating that frozen pizza!
Move Your Body!
Find something that you want to do, even if it is just a walk around the block or some stretches on the floor. Begin doing that. Write down what you did and how long you did it so you can chart your progress. If you have Fibromyalgia or bone/muscle related syndromes, you will need to take it slow. What ever you choose to do for exercise, do only until you feel the first signs of tiredness. If that means only 5 minutes of walking or only 3 crunches, so be it. That is where you begin. Do not push it. Just keep going at the speed or effort that causes you no pain. Add another couple of minutes of walking or extra reps of stretches each week. Build up slowly. Visit 'Exercise for HSPs'. If you don't want to do it for you, do it for God. He created your body. To exercise is to thank him.
Enjoy Activities & Outings!
Find things to do around your house or yard, starting with getting rid of clutter and dirt! Face it. You may even be a perfectionist, but when you are depressed, the home suffers neglect of some kind. Clutter and garbage effect your energy negatively. By organizing and cleaning your house, you will do the same for your mind and aura. You may not feel like it, but so what! You'll feel better as a result. Remember, feeling follows action. Get to the store for dish soap, good food and for the sake of getting outside. Go to a park, tune into nature. If you are invited somewhere, and some part of your even remotely wants to go, go!
I can't Say This Enough...Be Around Positive People
This one can be tough and can be the very cause of depression. Sometimes we just do not have positive people to be around, in which case I suggest renting the video (or CD) of 'Kings of Comedy' or some other comedy that will make you roll with laughter! Watch shows that promise laughter like 'Friends' and 'Will and Grace'. You choose, but don't watch any drama or news for one week and see if you can't feel a difference. That could be your assignment this week. If you have positive people that uplift you, call them. Invite them over, even if you don't really feel like it. You'll be glad you did. Better yet, invite yourself out to their place for instant perspective! Friendship is a gift. Use it!
Listen To 'Energizing' Music
Even if you are not a music lover, this can help you. I am not talking about head banging music here, or music that has lyrics that make you want to cry or beat someone up. Listen to music that soothes, that dissolves into the back ground, that feels good. Go to Target and listen to some of their CDs. You know, that panel that plays all the different kinds of music from all over the world? Choose one, if you don't already own some. Play it while you do dishes, read, type or pet the cat. Cats love soft music. If you have Click TV, turn on 'Soundscapes' (channel 932).
Drink Plenty of Water!
Water flushes toxins out of the body and relieves arthritis-like pain. If you are depressed you are probably toxic or dehydrated, or both. Drink 6-8 glasses every day. Pure water is best. Tap water has chemicals that can make depression worse. Use a straw. You drink more, quicker with a straw and it doesn't hurt sensitive teeth. Cold water burns more calories! Visit 'Eating, Naturally!' for more information on our 'Toxic Tap Water!'.
Take 'Whole-food' Vitamins, Not Synthetic.
If you are depressed, you are vitamin deficient, or will be. You are also hormonally imbalanced. Take vitamins if you do not already. When we are depressed we tend not eat right and even if we did we would still need some supplementation due to the poor nutritional value of our foods. Visit 'Is It Hot In Here?!' for supplement recommendations and doses, even if you are not menopausal. For more information on whole-food vitamins, read Energy Wellness Tip: #29!
Meditation, Quiet-time, Prayer - Choose One!
Quiet time - Take 10 minutes per day and do nothing but get outside of yourself. Schedule it into your day. Make an appointment to 'time out'. During this time, there is no music playing, no dishwasher going, no TV, no phone ringing, etc. Just you and quiet. No talking, no singing. Just quiet. You can think whatever you want, but try to focus on background noises. What do you hear? How many sounds can you pick up in the natural world? Kids playing somewhere? Birds singing? A car moving down the street? A dog barking? For 10 minutes, just sit (or stand) and be quiet and listen to your life.
Meditation - This is simple and can be done anywhere, anytime and often as you like to calm and relax you. In your mind, choose a place, a person or a thing that makes you feel safe, happy, relaxed and secure. Be there for a few minutes, or as long as you need. Stick with it until you feel relaxed and grounded again. Visit 'Claiming Radiance!' for more information on how to meditate using colors and imagination.
Prayer - In this particular kind of prayer, you are not to do anything but thank your creator for all that you have. You can say a prayer of thanks for one thing, or for many. It is up to you. This is not the time for requesting. God knows your heart and the requests that lay within it. He already knows what you need. This is the time for praising. If you can't think of any thing to be thankful for (and this can be easy to feel sometimes), start with your body. Thank God for the body parts you have that 'work' and go from there. Put your prayers to practice through 'Creative Ritual!'.
Get Rid of Junk & Clutter! Let it Go!
We carry stuff with us through all through our lives and sometimes our stuff begins to take over, clutter our lives, and control the very energy (or lack of) around us! If your home, office, or car is full of clutter, garbage and junk, it is affecting your energy level. Do some cleaning up, organizing, straightening and giving away. Is there something you could sell?
It's hard to give things away, isn't it? We form attachments or tell ourselves we may need our stuff someday. But, if you have not used something in at least a year, and don't know when you might again, maybe it is time to let it go. If you still have clothes you wore when you were a size 2 teenager, and you are now a size 12, let them go. If you have cards and letters from childhood, organize them in albums or cecorative boxes. Have papers, wrappers and clothing layered in the car? Clean it up. I look at it like this. Objects have a 'life' too. There's nothing wrong with giving them a better one where they will be useful and loved again. Get rid if your clutter and gain energy.
Create a 'To-Do' List!
One of the best ways to increase self-esteem, and energy, is to actually do the things you think about doing! Make of list of all the things you need to do. These are the 'Have To's' and the 'Would Like To Do's". 'Have To's' would be doctor appointments, completing that work project, doing the dishes, or getting a new babysitter. 'Would Like To Do's' are getting that new hair cut, visiting your girlfriend you haven't seen in awhile, donating money to your favorite charity, inviting the family to dinner, or buying those jeans you saw and can't stop thinking about. Prioritize them by importance and time frame. Then, do them!
So much energy is spent in just thinking about things. Not doing them is a drain of your energy. If you have no intention of doing the things you think about, why think about them? On the other hand, if you keep a long mental list of things to do, why not start doing them? Go ahead and check out those courses at your favorite college, take the risk and apologize to someone, go to that church around the corner you've had your eye on. Your self-esteem will rise and so will you!
A 'Building Self-Esteem' Suggestion
Purchase a journal, or a tablet to record your actions and progress.
Start with only one or two of the items from the 'Building Self Esteem Energy Guide'. For example, this week you might want to start with getting enough sleep (or not sleeping so much) and getting dressed first thing upon waking. Next week you may want to start eating better. The following week you might buy a CD. The week after that you might want to go visit a friend. In your journal, you might record your feelings about your activities and friendships.
It makes no difference what you start with as long as you start, and as long as you don't overwhelm yourself with too many changes at once. That spells defeat! When you are really bummed out, it is hard to remember nice things about yourself. So, when you are feeling rather positive, write down the following information. When you feel bad about yourself or your life, read it back to yourself as often as you wish. Here are some ideas to write about.
1. List as many of your strengths as you can think of. Are you friendly, smart, faithful, creative, organized or forgiving?
2. What are the 5 greatest achievements in your life? For example, getting your GED, learning how to use a computer, having a baby, learning a 2nd language, getting your Masters, or conquering an illness.
3. Write down at least 5 things that you admire about yourself. It could be your feet, your hair, your freckles or how you have raised your children.
4. List 5 things you could do to make yourself belly laugh! Could you make faces in the mirror, watch a favorite comedy or visit a special friend?
5. What is something you could do today to make someone else happy or to help them? Who would like to hear from you? Is there a charity you can relate to that could use your help?
I know if you follow the 'Self-Esteem Building Energy Guide' you will find your demons. Once you find them, The Captains Lady will continue to help you to know what to do about them!
Imagine, Imagine, Imagine!
Imagine what life would be like, how you would feel, if everything you wanted and needed were available. This a great meditation exercise by the way. Close your eyes and picture your happy relationship, the classic car you've always wanted sitting in the driveway, what you would look like and feel like after losing 30 pounds, holding that new baby in your arms, smiling in the face of your new husband, being pain free, living in your dream house. As you imagine these things, experience the emotions that go along with them. Do you feel the tension draining out of your body? This is the tension you carry around with you every day. Let it go. From now on, as often as you can think of it, act as if everything you want in life as already happened! What you learn to focus on will be drawn to you! It is true! Place pictures of the things you want around your home to remind you often of those positive feelings those things will bring when they arrive.
If you cannot bring yourself to act as if, at least begin to think as if! Focus on the things you wish to have in your life throughout your day as if they already exist. In a sense, they already do. It has been proven that time does not exist, that everything that has happened, is happening and ever will happen is all happening right now at this very moment!
Don't focus on what you don't want. Focus on what you do and see it already happening in your life! Your thoughts have power. They are the magnets that bring to you those things that you are thinking about.
Still struggling? Go find and purchase this book. 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrne, 2006. It is currently for sale at Costco, or visit www.simonsays.com. Besides the Bible, this is the next most inspiring book in the world!
What More Can One Do?
8 Qualities of a Wealthy Woman...
...according to Suze Orman, author of Women & Money, are Harmony, Balance, Courage, Generosity, Happiness, Cleanliness, Beauty and Wisdom. These are far more important than the coins shown above. Without them, it is impossible to have self-esteem and, therefore, independence. I like to think these are the same qualities of a 'healthy' woman. Here's what she has to say about these qualities.
Harmony & Balance rely on your Thoughts, Feelings, Words and Actions working as one.
Courage quiets fear and in order to have it you must take action.
Generosity benefits both parties, not just you or them.
Happiness comes with these first four steps above.
Cleanliness is something that happens when you are happy.
Beauty is rediscovered after all of the above. You feel it on the inside of you, recognize it in others and this leads to wisdom.
Wisdom is derived from your choices being based on confidence. And I would like to add that wisdom comes from applying that which you have learned.
More Ideas!
For creative ideas on how to protect yourself and your loved ones from negative people and situations, visit 'Claiming Radiance!' and 'Creative Ritual!'. I suggest glancing over 'Stress Syndromes' to determine whether stress might already be surfacing in the way of physical symptoms.
This is the Message.
Don't become owned by the negative choices you have perhaps made in the past. It does not matter whether your wrong choices were on purpose or not. It only matters that you work through your issues by being honest with yourself now so that the old you and the new you (trying to surface) can be friends and take a positive step forward together.
When it comes to relationships, yours may have begun positively and vibrantly enough. In fact, all of your decisions may have been right on, but somewhere along the line things may have changed. It is sad to think of it, but some people actually grow 'energetically' incompatible and things may never be as they once were.
When you live out your values
and feel satisfied with your relationships,
you will feel secure.
-Gary Null
