If your wish to resolve conflicts is not appreciated or respected and your partner refuses to communicate in your relationships to resolve issues or your find that most of what is written in my blog, Is Your Relationship in Hot Water?, is true for you, it could be you are involved with a narcissist.
A narcissist, by definition, is someone who includes you in their life for the sole purpose of making themselves look good to the world. Your wonderful qualities makes them shine to their family, coworkers and friends. This makes them feel great about themselves. Narcissists easily come across as stable, charming, generous, and the answer to your dreams, but it's only a manipulation, a bait. It's not about you. It's never about you, your feelings, your wants, needs or desires. It's always about theirs, what they want, what they need, what they desire.
Oh, life may seem intoxicating and wonderful in the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist, until you realize something doesn't feel quite right. At that point, you may begin to ask your partner questions, which will not bode well with the narcissist. You see, feelings, particularly yours, don't matter to the narcissist. What matters is that you continue to make them the center of your universe and continue to feed them what they need to feel good about themselves. Narcissism goes beyond just ordinary selfishness and conceit. It is the inability to truly have empathy or compassion for others, unless it suits a personal purpose. In other words, they do not know how to love.
Narcissism goes beyond just ordinary arrogance, selfishness and conceit. It is the inability to truly have any compassion for others. And, you cannot teach them. Being a good example will never change the narcissist. You will not win that battle. It will only drain you of what is left of your reserves and kill your self-esteem in the process. It may even make you incredibly ill.
Once the narcissist begins to see or feel you are resisting their antics, your narcissistic mate will begin to show a very cruel side. You may find they become physically abusive.
To demand respect, attention, or appreciation from a narcissist is futile. If they believe you still add value to their lives in some way they might allow you a glimpse of the person you always thought they were for a short time, just to reel you back in. They may buy you something they know you've wanted. More likely, they will try to bribe you to stay by producing something they know you need, whether it's food in the cupboard, a bill paid, or a long awaited hug.
Emotional Warning Signs of Being in a Relationship with a Narcissist
You feel negative and lonely (or like something is missing) most of the time.
You get down on yourself and feel guilty when you think about doing the things that used to do that made you happy (visiting with loved ones, focusing on your career, working out, wearing makeup, and nice clothes, etc.). This can feel like depression or fatigue. It is actually oppression.
Even when things are going well in your relationship, you can't stop the feeling that, at any minute, things are going to become bad again and your world is going to come tumbling down. And, it will. Narcissist automatically sense when you are too happy. Your happiness makes them feel vulnerable (as if they have lost the upper hand) and they will hurt you for it one way or another. When you feel this way and are treated this way for any length of time your self-esteem suffers terribly. You can begin to doubt yourself in ways you never have before.
Also see How to Move Safely Away from an Abusive Relationship.
Photo Credit: Mask (iStock.com #174917746) with sepia overlay.
Mari J. Dionne ~ CHP, CLC
"The older I get the more sure I am that one's thoughts create one's reality. They say home is where the heart is but I have found it is the mind that that determines where one's heart resides."
Forgotten English Health Terms
Fish-Whole - as sound as a fish or healthy
Blind Cupid - the backside
Accoucheur - a male mid-wife
Kingsevil - a disease or swelling of the cervical lymph nodes
Valitudinary - subject to sickness; crazy
Chime-Child -a child born on Sunday who was immune to witchcraft, could see ghosts, and was a natural healer
Periblepsis - a delirious stare of the eyes
Wormland - churchyard
Green-Sickness - a disease incident to virgins; sickly paleness, with green tint of complexion
Tissek or Tissicky Cough - a tickling faint cough
Multiplying Medicine - an elixer of the alchemists, used in making and multiplying gold
Peat-Reek-Whisky - highland whiskey, distilled over peat fires
Belly-Brussen - a distended stomach or having a protuberant stomach
Oint - to smear with an unctuous substance (usually having to do with painting or disguising something)
Farbed-Up - confused
Nyctobasis - somnambulism; to walk in one's sleep
Roozles - wretchedness of mind and body
Coolth - coolness (opposite of warmth)
Pharmacopolist - an apothecary
Laver - to wash (before dinner)
Gothicism - to be rude or rudeness
Desuetude - lack of use
Splay the Bream - to cut up that fish
Doctor of Skill - a physician
Dendranthoplology - the theory that man sprang from trees
Fash - to care, to trouble one's self, anxiety
Satisfy Colon - to satisfy one's hunger
Neurasthenia - debility or impairment of the nerves
Trollibags - the intestines
Cothish - faint, sickly, ailing
Fogo - a disagreeable stink, stench, or smell
With Squirrel - pregnant
Pottinger - a cook, apothecary, druggist (Scotland)
Pomster - a quack doctor; to treat illness without knowledge or skill
Bleflummery - vain imaginings
Venefice - a practice of poisoning
Weaponsalve - a salve that was supposed to cure the wound by applying it to the weapon that caused it
Overset - to recover from mental shock
Fordolked - wounded
Wamblecropped - humiliated
Peffle - in a nervous state
Measondue - a hospital or poor house
Dead-Nip - a blue mark on the body not caused by an injury or any known cause...sometimes called a witch's nip
Sadly On - expressing that a person is ill or in a bad way
Whirligigs or Tallywags - testicles
Betwattled - to be surprised, confounded, out of one’s senses
Bone Box - the mouth
Dicked in the Nob - silly, crazed
Head Rails - teeth
Hickey - tipsy, hiccupping
Knowledge box - a term for the head
Sugar stick - the virile member
Pimpish - Dainty in the matter of food (taking in small quantities)
Witchify - to bewitch
Naufrage - shipwreck
Artwork & Photography Credits
Side Bar: Pen & Ink, Old Door, and Star (iStock.com ~ All rights reserved.) with sepia overlays.